"You've got to be kidding me! Really?"

    "Yeah, check out the web site yourself. He's there. He's the new sports editor. The guy you replaced is there. Isn't that a kick in the pants?"

    "Um... Since I truly never met the man, I guess."

A simple phone conversation tonight sent be back into a doubtful, questioning mood and boy, ain't that a bitch!

I'm not going to divulge names, but the guy is a good writer, a better copy editor and, from what people in my office told me, is a great guy, a crazy individual and an all-around character. After nearly six years at his paper, he moves up to the top spot in sports.

Good for him and I congratulate him.

But that leaves one question: Could that have been me?

At that paper in particular, no. Wrong time, wrong place. But somewhere else, where I didn't just up and leave after a few years and leave an editor and co-workers in a lurch? Sure. Absolutely.

There's my problem. Could the constant movement from one job to another, in the constant search for the next job, for the next locale, for the next adventure, cost me a shot at the one job that I've always wanted -- a sports editorship?

A better question would be: Have I hitched my wagon at a place where I can get what I want, but know that somewhere else, there is something better waiting for me to grab it and take a hold of it?

I don't know and for a second, I doubted my choices:

• Moved to the Northwest, left my family in California behind. Lived there for two years, then, with a woman who would eventually become my wife, leave for another job, another locale, in search of a bigger and better place. Realize after the dust settled that I left a good place and took a big step down. Left 10 months later and returned to the previous place, all the while driving my now-fiancée nuts and homesick in the process.
• Return to the previous locale, got back onto the paper, worked in a different area, bide my time before the guy who replaced me leaves, all the while ruing the day that I left and blaming myself for taking that step backward. The guy leaves, I leave tread marks from one desk to another to return to sports. I enjoy it, I ignore the little idiosyncrasies that made it tough the first time around.
• I get married, get a house and begin learning what it is like to live with a job, mortgage, wife, yard and drugged-out neighbors all at the same time.
• Now, I have a job that I love, at a decent pay scale that enough to live but not enough to enjoy and I can see where I can become the sports editor in the future.

And then it hit me... I don't have it so bad. Looking at those choices, I realized that I've accomplished a few things I thought I'd never do in California -- like own by own home, get married to a woman who is kind, loving and generous, work at a paper where I made a difference not just because I was a warm body and I took a wrong step and didn't blame everyone around me that it was their fault. Trust me, that last part is a biggie.

I left California for the adventure of living somewhere else without a safety net. I've done that. I'm staying because I'm able to do those things above and then some, with an end goal in sight.

And that makes me feel pretty good. Now, what to do with that wanderlust...

(Copyright: Rob B. 2004915)