The holiday season is upon us and for most people, that means a few trips to relatives, friends and in-laws for Thanksgiving, Chanuka, Christmas, Kwanza, New Year's Eve and South Park reruns.
What this also means is a highway full of people whose minds aren't on the road or on what they are doing.
So, from someone who will be spending the next several weeks on the roads covering state playoff games and league basketball contests, here are some helpful hints, suggestions and dogmas you should take into consideration before piling the family into the car to head to grandma's for dinner.
• Take your time! There's a ton of people on the roads now. You don't need to imitate Jeff Gordon at Talladega Speedway on the highway to get to your destination on time for the football game on TV. Add some time before you leave. A good measure that I use is 20 minutes per 1 hour of normal drive time. If you are heading to grandma's house 3 hours away, leave 4 hours before. If you are there early, then you have time to enjoy more time with the relatives. If you want to avoid your relatives/spouse's friends, but you have to go anyway, then ignore this one. Just don't give in to your spouse's whining that you're going to be late. Nothing spoils a holiday than a five-car pileup that you caused.
• Don't drink and drive! This one has been drilled into everyone head. The cops love this season. They come into our newsroom all of the time and tell us that they can make up their budget woes over the holidays by nailing one or two more DUIs per season. They're looking for you. If you have to drink, get your spouse behind the wheel. Or, better yet, get your teen-age son behind the wheel and tell him that there may be an extra surprise under the tree if he gets everyone home safe. Above all, don't try it. I want you to read my blog in the future.
• Don't piss off your spouse! OK, you didn't think of this one, eh? The holidays are a stressful time of the year. The worst time to get into a discussion about your spouse's financial dealings or drinking habits or mother being a bitch is when you are behind the wheel. Arguments with passengers are in the top-three lists for most causes of auto accidents nationally. Remember, more people on the road, more chances for an accident. Keep you yapper shut until you get home. Then, let him/her know just what you think of his/her mother...
• Keep an open mind! Huh? In other words, be flexible and don't stress out. There are going to be drivers who are in a hurry, pissed off that the spouse is ragging on his/her mother, late for the Cowboys kickoff on TV, and chronically in a pissy disposition that translates into a "This is my road! Get out of my way!" mentality. Relax. Watch what you are doing and you'll get home safe. Let the cops deal with them. If you let a tailgater or an a-hole cut in front of you get your nerves into a bundle, you're going to cause an accident. Then, your spouse will really have something to nag you about.
• Get directions! Don't give me this "I'm a man! I know my way around!!!" crap. Nothing pisses other drivers off faster than being behind someone who is trying to get somewhere, but is changing lanes and braking at every intersection because they're lost. Cowboy up, partner. Get a pad and paper and hit the Internet for directions. Or better yet, call your friend/relative/in-law and get them to tell you where they live. You're not a wuss if you need directions. You're a wuss if you cause an accident because you are lost.
And finally, if you can't avoid it, Stay home! It'll save you money, time, heartache, stress and wear on you, your family and your vehicle. If you have to get to the airport to go fly to see the relatives/in-laws, then you're on your own. God's speed and make sure your insurance is paid up before you go.
© 2003 B&B Artists