If I happen to describe you in this, I'm sorry. Well, maybe not.

Sports Parents who need to curl up and die:
1. Swim parents. I find that the more elitist the sport, the more money needed to engage in the sport, the more isolated the sport is to society and the more egotistical the participant, you'll find the worst parents. In swimming circles, the swim parent is the norm. To everyone else, this parent is the worst. "Why isn't my child in the paper?" "He's just as much as athlete as a football player?" "He/She is on course to becoming an Olympian? Where's the story on that?"
Please, shut the hell up. Gymnastics and tennis parents are the same way, but are at times more down-to-earth than these high-class snobs and country club twits. These are the worst of them all.
They have to drive to every meet, hang around the same people, breath in a lot of chlorinated air and pay a lot of money just so Johnny/Jill can move through the water 1/10th of a second faster than last time. By the time these swimmers are in junior high and high school, the parents' brains are chlorinated and completely out of touch with reality.

2. Gymnasitcs/tennis parents. A very large step down up from swim parents. You'll hear from these winners around the Summer Olympics and Grand Slam events. "Do you want the next (insert famous gymnast/tennis player here)? Here he/she is?" Can be overbearing if they believe they're child is the next Serena Williams or Kerri Strug...

3. Golf parents. Another country club twit who believes their child is the next Tiger Woods. Can't hit straight nor win a tournament without a high handicap, but gosh darn it, they're close. Sigh... Usually the overbearing parent will be the one on your butt for doing a story on a young golfer who had actually accomplished something than their child who beat your featured player in a three-hole playoff in summer camp someodd years ago...

4. The "My Child is God" Parent. Any sport. Anywhere. Can be in Little League. Can be in varsity high school sports. Usually found yelling at the coaches for making his/her son/daughter bunt in a meaningless baseball/softball game or took them out for a rest in an equally meaningless basketball game. Already hates your guts for not writing a weekly feature on their "talented offspring" before their freshman year.

5. Little League parents. You know them. They've beaten up coaches, officials, other parents who they thought did something bad to their child, like call a strike down the middle of the plate or made them bunt over runners into scoring position in a "Future Stars" tournament. Two steps up from the "My Child" parent, but can reach climb down those two pegs easily with enough self-delusion and a little success on the child's part on the field.

Honorable mention: • Fans who have no child in school nor on the team but dress like their alma mater (high school) is the San Francisco 49ers and revolves their lives around it. Dedication is one thing. Obsession is quite something else entirely. • Parents who expect you to know that their child is doing well in a sport/activity that is considered an action sport, like motocross, rollerblading, skateboarding, etc. • Cheerleading parents who wonder why their daughter's cheer squad doesn't have their picture in the paper. Maybe because cheerleading isn't a sport. They can be (and normally are) athletes, but cheerleading isn't a sport.
©2003 B&B Artists