Plenty of news that isn't fit to print...
On the Associated Press/Reuters news wire, Veteran's Day, 2003:
• Larry Flynt says he won't use nude (Jessica) Lynch photos...
New York (AP) — Pornographer Larry Flynt says he bought nude photos of Pfc. Jessica Lynch to publish in Hustler magazine, but changed his mind because she's a "good kid" who became "a pawn for the government."
Flynt told The Associated Press on Tuesday that he bought the photos last month from the men who purportedly participated in the amateur shoot with the Army supply clerk. The soldiers "wanted to let it be known that she's not all apple pie," Flynt said.
"My first intention was to publish them, but I don't think it was the best, positive move I could make," Flynt said in a telephone interview. "She's very much a pawn for the government. They force-fed us a Joan of Arc."
In an interview with the AP on Tuesday, Lynch declined to comment on any aspect of the matter, including whether such photos exist.
Apparently, the photos show Lynch topless and full frontal nude frollicking with soldiers.
Flynt said later in the story that he "wanted to do the right thing" and lock them up in a vault.
In other news, there's snow in hell... Satan is now building a five-star ski resort that will rival "anything you pee-ons will ski on up there..."
• Government allows telephone customers to transfer numbers from home to cell phones.
FCC rules Monday that cell phone companies can now allow consumers to switch from land-based phones to wireless and keep their land-based phone numbers.
Wonderful. Now, when I'm at work or in the park or enjoying a day away from home, telemarketers can still get a hold of me. Great. Happy day.
• Musicians take to stage to lobby against new media ownership rules.
Great, we go from Woody Guthrie's "This Land is Your Land" to "Keep your hands off my media"? What's next? Musicians against everything? (Hey, that's not bad. I get credit for that one...)
• Catholic bishops consider statement that would condemn same-sex unions.
When the Catholic Church fesses up, makes amends for all of those priests who sexually molested, intimidated and scarred young male parishoners, choir boys and lay ministers in church camp, then maybe, maybe I'll listen to their representatives regarding anything on sex. Until then...
• AFL-CIO head promises strong effort for Bush challenger, whoever it is
WASHINGTON (AP) — AFL-CIO President John Sweeney isn’t saying which Democrat he thinks would be the toughest challenger to President Bush next year.
“I just want to make sure that we have the strongest candidate who can win and I think this process that we’re going through is going to give us that candidate,” he said. “We will then do our damnedest to get that candidate elected.”
In related news, Jimmy Hoffa is still dead.
• Girl Scout troop in Alaska trap and skin beavers (pissing off animal rights activists)
ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) — Let other Girl Scouts make bird feeders out of Clorox bottles and glue together little birch-bark canoes — Troop 34 in Alaska is learning to trap and skin beavers.
In a practice that has angered animal rights activists, the girls are killing the beavers as part of a state flood-management program.
“We think it sends a very, very bad message that when animals cause a problem you kill them,” said Stephanie Boyles of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. She said the Girl Scouts should want girls to become “stewards of wildlife, not abusers.”
Last spring, about 10 members of the Fairbanks troop and their families helped catch two beavers using snare and lethal traps. The girls were taught how to find the animals’ dens and how to lay the traps. Working under close supervision, the girls used knives to skin the beavers.
The troop had the pelts tanned and plans to make hats and mittens once a dozen hides are collected. The girls also want to cook beaver meat.
They plan to begin setting traps out again this month.
Good for them. They're learning something other than arts and crafts. Damn good...
I wonder if you can get a badge (or is that just for boy scouts) for trapping and skinning a PETA protester? Now that would be meaningful, too...
OK, now I have to get back to work. Enjoy your Veterans Day... Salute your local Vets. They're not appreciated enough, especially those who fought in Vietnam. Don't blame those who fought; blame those who sent them there.